All of my life, as long as i can remember; I have wanted to keep a journal. I never really knew where to start, so i never did. However, as i sit here, hubby at work, kids still asleep, drinking my coffee from my favorite mug, on New Year's day; I can't help but to think the time is now. There is no more perfect starting time, than today; as the year flips, resolutions begin, hopes are renewed, and the metaphorical slate is clean, to begin my chronicling.
So this is me, 34, mother of two beautiful girls, wife to an amazing husband. I have a great job that I really enjoy which treats me better than fair. My life is pretty great. I do have a few resolutions, that I plan to implement into my daily life, and I am hoping this blog helps monitor myself so I can stay on track. I also would like to be able to look back, 5 years from now, and see how much I've grown.
The History of who I am today; born in April, 1978, to Deinna and Ted Tarver, technically speaking. Actually, though, my birth certificate should read "born to Betty Lou Donham Tarver Radtke. That, my friends, is my grandmother. She is hands down the most incredible woman in the world. She taught me how to be strong, how to spot a bargain, how to treat others, how not to take any crap, but mostly, she taught me how to love wholly, completely, and unconditionally. She taught me these things by example. I can honestly say, without her example, I would not be the woman I am today. I am eternally indebted to her. Depicted up the slack my parents left behind. I am honestly glad they did, because the kids they did decide to raise, are pretty fucked up. So thanks mom and dad, for allowing MaMa to raise me. She did a much better job than you could have.
Even though my parents were crap, they did leave me with some great traits.
1. They taught me stubbornness. To a point, this is a great thing until it turns into selfishness, and pride.
2. They taught me to be generous. Well, my mom did. She was generous and that is one of her greatest attributes.
3. She also taught me that some times fun has to be a priority.
Mostly though, they taught me what/who I do not want to be. I have worked very hard to only accept their good attributes and do the opposite of their bad ones. I think I have done a pretty good job with this, but I'm sure my kids will have their own gripes about me.
Regardless of my upbringing, I don't blame any one for any misfortune I may have encountered in my life. I am an adult fully willing and able to take credit for any mistake or triumph I may have had in my life time. We all make stupid mistakes in our lives, some people have the courage to admit and accept them, rather than placing blame on other's for them. I am who I am today because of those mistakes. Wouldn't trade them for a perfect life, not for a second. One of my life's biggest mistakes gave me one of life's biggest blessings; my daughter, Charissa. I also learned a lot about my self, who I wanted to be, and who I didn't want to be. Equally as important, I learned exactly what I did and did not want in a spouse. So, yes, being with Chris, Huge mistake with some great benefits.
Taking what I learned, I decided my second marriage, if I were to ever go down that path again, would be nothing shy of spectacular. And from the day I met Charles Ever Scott, Jr. I knew that's what I would have.
The first few years, like any marriage, were rocky. Although the love we had was great, we went through our share of growing pains. An instant family growing rapidly. We got pregnant with Carlee just 2 years into the marriage. A baby on the way, a cross country move, twice, and here we are; Fort Bend County, TX. My husband, Scottie, as I call him, finished college, and decided to pursue a career I law enforcement. He finished the police academy just a couple of months after Carlee's birth.
Most people have no clue just how difficult it is to be married to a Law Enforcement Officer. As if the schedule, and stressors of the job were not difficult enough for a young family, there was the constant worry that our rock, father, husband might not live to greet us the next morning. There was also the fact that I had no clue how to talk to my husband about the things he had to deal with. His worst nightmares, came to life every night, as he slipped on the uniform and slipped out into the night.
Man was it tough, full time job, full time mom, wife with out a clue, and a husband with a dangerous job and opposite schedule; yes, I had a nightly pity party. Little did I know, so did he. We were running in empty, broke, and broken. Or marriage faced some pretty drastic events after that, foreclosure, for starters, and other instances that are too personal to mention. Somehow, we made it through, stronger. Just when we were at out weakest, we made a vow to have 20 minutes a day, just for each other. Regardless of whether or not we were mad, happy, sad, whatever; 20 minutes was the commitment. Like a nurtured tree, or relationship began to grow roots, limbs, and finally fruit. It wasn't easy, there were many nights were too tired to talk, or the kids were too rowdy; but we did it. We would go outside, or close the bedroom door, or go sit in the car. Somehow, his love for me, and my love for him overcame all odds.
Then, we faced a tragic incident. May 22, 2010 my reclaimed best friend, husband, hero, father, was shot. The call I had been fearing for the last 5 years rang through on that sunny Saturday morning. My life, in that moment, changed forever; all of our lives did.
Funny thing that we as Law Enforcement Officers Wives (LEOW's) do not realize, cognitively, we prepare ourselves for that moment, that call. We ask ourselves how we will handle it, and some of us even have a plan, a strategy so to speak. Yet, we cannot dwell on it because it would drive us nuts to do so. Here is what we cannot prepare for. This one thing truly shocked me. Maybe I'm conceded or selfish, maybe I just never thought of things like, this, regardless, the one thing I don, t think we are prepared to realize is that when that call comes in, when we get word that our beloved has been airlifted to the hospital on life flight, and we do not know if they are alive or dead; the world still continues to go on. Now I know this may sound silly, and insignificant, but seriously, when your world stops, when the moments seem like hours, and hours days and every thing else is a blurr, LIFE STILL GOES ON! And the fact that it does, is more than irritating, is almost unbearable.
This became a divider in my life, strange, but true. My life is divided into before the shooting, and after the shooting. My before the shooting life is extremely vague and distant, with the exceptions of my children's births and my wedding day, the rest is fairly insignificant. I'm okay with this, because it made me realize that there are few things in this life that truly matter other than family.
Thankfully, my beloved lived. Even though he had been shot three times with an AK 47. Once in the head and twice in the arm, he defied all odds and lived!!!
The two years since then have been amazing. Regardless of the trials we faced that day, and every day since, we are forever stronger, and bonded together with faith hope and trust that I'm other sure we ever would have known otherwise. I cannot even begin to explain what a fighter he is. Let me just say this, he was back at work Iin three months and one week. He fought through physical therapy, surgeries, and emotional turmoil that only someone who has been ambushed with the intent to be murdered would understand. He fought it all, and is still, in my opinion the best police officer out there.
Throughout all of this, I developed a thyroid problem. I gained a loft of weight. Not acceptable, especially since I wanted to be the best wife I could be for my husband, and that means being happy with myself. During the meantime, I began a job at an engineering firm. It is a greatjob that I was entirely unqualified for, however, I am a quick learner, and they must have been something in me because they moved me from contract employment to permanent after one year. I thank God for this job, because it has allowed me to contribute to my family financially, in ways I could have previously only hoped. It's a great job, and it's owners are incredibly generous. One of the ladies I work with and I became quick friends, her husband, also a LEO, and mine knew each other, and were friends too. AnneMarie introduced me to crossfit. I began crossfit at C4 in may 2012, and I have lost 22 lbs, and gained a lot of strength and endurance.
So here we are... history up to speed. What's next? Resolutions? Sure... of course, because I'm not near the woman I want to be. My potential is no where near met, so here goes.
Resolutions:
1. At least 3 days a week at crossfit.
2. At least 6 days a week on clean diet. Diet plan to follow at a later date.
3. Listen more.
4. Read 10 pages of a good book every day.
5. Update this blog weekly if not more.
These are the beginnings of my new years resolutions.
I hope this blog will help stay on task.
Happy 2013 y'all! Here we go.....
